Funny VS. NOT Funny

As I read on Facebook and various other locations on the Internet, I realize that some of you out there struggle with what IS or ISN'T funny. And you know what? That's ok. We cant all have a brilliant sense of humor! So what I thought I would do is make a helpful guide for you. Just kind of a cheat sheet if you will...

FUNNY

Chris Farley

NOT FUNNY

Any OTHER fat guy in a little shirt

FUNNY

Naked Drunk Girl Passed Out On a Table

NOT FUNNY

Any Drunk Girl Who ISN'T Naked 

FUNNY

Mitch Hedberg

NOT FUNNY

Mitch Thomas...(i just randomly found him on google...)

FUNNY

Fergie Peeing her pants on stage

NOT FUNNY

R Kelly

FUNNY

Making Your Dog Wear a Costume

NOT FUNNY

Making Your Infant Wear a Costume

FUNNY

Fat Kids

NOT FUNNY

Fat girl wearing a thong

FUNNY

Midget wrestling

NOT FUNNY

Midgets Doin Time 

FUNNY

Asian game shows

 NOT FUNNY

Asians

There ya go! I hope that helps a little bit! Any important ones I may have left off? Let me know!

LATE!

Kelly K

Smells Like Bieber Spirit...

Now this  quote can't be PROVED that it was said by the Bieber.... but the rumor on the internet is that it is true. Now if this is the case, I can only hope Bieber will follow Cobain and end all this  right away!!

I mean, come on man!

Bieber Lyrics:
I'm breathing in, I'm breathing out
Being with you is just no doubt
I'm going crazy and there's nothing I should do
I can't, Can't live without you

Cobain Lyrics:
My favorite inside source
I'll kiss your open sores
Appreciate your concern
You'll gonna stink and burn
Rape me
Rape me my friend

The "Free Medicine Shop"

Don't you just hate it when you get spam mail? I don't! I try and keep my email locked down pretty tight and to be honest, not much spam  gets in. But when it does, I treasure it! I always feel the need to reply. No matter what the email is. I'm sure the longer you keep coming to read here, you will see the devotion I have for the spam mail.

That being said, I found this email in my in box today and below is my reply! Also, if you ever have an email you would like me to reply to, just let me know! I would be happy to mess with ANYONE for you!

frommotion30@att.net

Hello,



hey how are you doing ? get back to me as soon as possible when you
read my mail because i found a great offer on the internet and you
should not miss this. I discovered a free medicine shop. I just paid
for shipping and they sent my medicines in 3 days. You must check them
out before this promotion ends.

Here is their address :



http://www.cuspdale.com





see you later



bye


The Reply


OMG!!! wow! I just got your email!! sorry I didn't reply sooner!! I'm
doing GGGGGRRRRRREEEEAAAAT!!! (that was my Tony the Tiger impression)
How are you doing?? I'm so excited that you found a GREAT offer on the
INTERNET and wanted to share it with ME!!! That's so bodacious!! And a
FREE MEDICINE SHOP!!! WTF!! that's just crazy. That's just craziness.
that's PANDEMONIUM!! So you just paid shipping huh?? Can I ask what
medicines you ordered? I mean, that's normally a RUDE question to ask
but since you don't know me and emailed me to tell me about the FMS,
(Free Medicine Shop) I think its only fair. Do you think the FMS
could hook me up with some medicinal Heroin? Just a thought.... anyway,
You say I should check out the site before the "Promotion" ends.... But
isn't this company a FREE medicine shop? Do they change names
after the promotion? Dude, ...or Chick I guess... I really don't
know who you are.... as much as I appreciate the random email, because
I love Internet interaction, I think you're full of crap. There is no
way such an amazing offer like this really exists. But Ill tell you
what.... you write me back and tell me the Medicine you order, and I
will start ordering all my Herp/Cancer meds from....yes, you guessed
it.... the Free Medicine Shop!!


I also noticed you signed off the email by saying "see you later"....
This kind of scares me since I don't know who you are. Are you stalking
me? How will you"SEE" me later? Do we work together and this like
an AVON thing? If it is, you could have just asked me. I bet I bought
cookies for your kids dumb band fundraiser too didn't I?

Hope to NOT see you later,
Kelly K

The Stick Family...

With so much "amazingness" in the US of A these days, its fun to  look around and see what we have done with our so called, "freedom".

So by now I'm sure most of you, like me, have noticed that every minivan in the country is now rockin the "Stick Figure Family". I know you've seen them. Cute little stick figures with Mom, Dad, and then each child's name above his or her head. Some may even include the family pet. If you're really lucky, you might catch one with the family enjoying their favorite activities. 

Now for the most part, I don't make fun of the Stick-Fams. (this could be due to the fact that my wife has one on her MySpce page depicting our family, so I don't wanna be hypocritical. However in hers, She and each of the kids have a halo above their heads and I, on the other hand, do not.....whats that about!?!) But I really try and leave these things alone.

Until a few days ago....

I was ridding with a friend of mine, heading to lunch. When all of a sudden I notice something.... Yes, its a Stick-Fam. BUT it only has the mom and the child!!! At first I didn't think much of it, then all of a sudden thoughts started pouring through my mind!!

*Did her husband die and she left him out of the Stick-Fam?
*Perhaps shes going through a divorce
*Does that kid even know who her daddy is?
*Maybe some jealous man pulled off the sticker of good ol dad in a fit of rage!
*Maybe this mom chose artificial insemination....
*What a dysfunctional Stick-Fam!

I started thinking all these things and couldn't help but laugh. Whatever the case may be, this apparently single mom wanted the Stick-Fam so bad, that she went ahead and purchased just the two lonely stick figures, stuck them on her car, and is now broadcasting that she cant make a relationship work.

The sight of this brought me to a new thought.... What other kind of Stick-Fam possibilities are out there that we just haven't tapped into yet!? So the brainstorming began and here's what I have for you. Fully illustrated, of course, by me.

First, let me show you the basic structure of the Stick-Fam...

Now that's a typical Stick-Fam that you will probably see at any Church, Target, Wal-Mart or in a drive through line when you're in a hurry and mom decided to feed her 5 star soccer players before practice. I mean come on, you didn't really need to see the new episode of the Office anyway...







So now that you understand the dynamic of the Stick-Fam, let me show you MY ideas...




First on the list is the, "ARE YOU MY DADDY?" Stick-Fam

See, I think this Stick-Fam says a lot about America today, and the masses could relate and would appreciate this one.

Next on the list we have the , "LOOK HOW HAPPY WE ARE ALONE" Stick-Fam.

What??? HAHA! I swear to God if I was driving down I-44 and I saw this Stick-Fam I would literally die of laughter and take at least 3 other cars with with me. Only thing that would have made this better would have been if I had added a wire hanger in Nancy's hand..... (Is that over the line?) Oh well....


Now we have the, "MY HUSBAND LEFT ME FOR HIS SECRETARY" Stick-Fam

Not much to say about this one. I think mom over there is saying it all!

Last on the list, and one of my personal favorites... the, "POLYGAMIST" Stick-Fam

All I can say about this Stick-Fam is you better have a LARGE windshield!! Now, the funny thing about this one is, my wife and I went out to eat a few days ago, after I had already made this illustration and we came upon this "jewel" on the back of a minivan....

CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT!! I nailed that sucker on the head!! hahahaha!! I think this guy just REALLY wants a reality TV show...

Anyway, I think these Stick-Fams would bring joy to anyone who saw them out on the road. I really do!  I can only hope as the months go by, American families of all shapes and sizes will decide to show the world how GREAT their family is by way of stickers on their cars. Cause after all, if we don't put Stick-Fams on our cars..... the terrorists won.

GOD BLESS AMERICA!

Late,
Kelly K

I think I'm gonna follow Satan on Twitter...

Ok, if you didn't already know, I'm a HUGE Alkaline Trio fan. Which means I'm also a huge Matt Skiba fan. (Skiba being the lead singer of the Alkaline Trio) That being said, I found Skiba on Twitter and to say I've been "following" him would be an understatement!! I get text's when he tweets, email notifications and I have an automated phone machine call my grandma who then swiftly calls me to let me know what was Tweeted. (Cause everyone knows grandmas are amazing when it comes to getting things done.)

Now I've always know Skiba was a Satanist. Well, there were rumors that were backed up by years of lyrics. Such as, "Bless me dark father I have sinned. I've done it before and I'll do it again." However, this never really bothered me. I loved the music not the religious beliefs. But today I received an interesting "tweet" from Skiba to my phone...

It was this link.... http://boydrice.com/news.html

Now, for those of you who don't want to click the link, the basic idea of the posted text was that this guy Boyd Rice is telling the Church of Satan that when Anton LaVey (founder of the church of Satan) died, he left Boyd Rice in charge as High Priest/Grand Master of the Church of Satan! Now theres a lot to the text about how he wants to blah blah blah, and blah blah blah.... But all I could think about was, DANG! Satan even gettin his Tweet on these days!

So then I started thinking... What if Satan really did Tweet! or uh, Tweeted! or Twited, or Twittled... Whatever you call it... How awesome would that be! So I quickly put together a list of the Top 5 best Satan Tweets that I could imagine.

5. BBQ, My place, TONIGHT! You bring the meat, Ill bring the HEAT!

4.Well, Hitler pissed in my Lemonade again... I sware to Antichrist if he does it again I'm gonna have Heath Ledger do that ANNOYING "why so serious?" thing to him another billion times!!

3. BETTY WHITE! Will you hurry up and DIE! You're all I need to complete my Golden Girls series!

2. Went to Earth today, had dip-n-dots, saw Inception, and stole a few souls... IS IT FRIDAY YET!!!

1. Another HOT day in @Hell again....sigh...

I mean come on! Who WOULDN'T want to follow that!! I would! In fact I'm thinkin of just starting an account for him myself!

So anyway, just thought I would share that with you since it was on my mind.

What are some Tweets you think Satan would write?? Come on, let me know!

LATE!
Kelly K